I remember growing up next door to my best childhood friend, Jen. We shared a ton of amazing memories and adventures together, and I told her at the wise old age of 10 that when I got married, I’d want her to be my maid of honor. Fast forward to my actual wedding day, and Jen and I hadn’t even talked in years. Life had moved us in different directions and while I did eventually reach out to reestablish our friendship as adults again, and still love her to pieces, she’s probably not the first person I’d call for my bridal party. Not because she’s a bad friend, but because friendships simply change. In fact, I’m not sure I’d call anyone for that duty anymore. Here’s why I feel like the bridal party tradition is outdated, and why I’d rather skip it.

It’s Expensive

There’s no getting around it—weddings can be overwhelmingly expensive. And it’s not just for the couple involved. Your bridesmaids have to pay for a dress, flowers, shoes, hair, makeup, nails, gifts, hotels, travel, and so on. And if you’re generous enough to be picking up the tab for all that, then that expense is on you. Not to mention some of these expenses will be for a dress, flowers, or shoes they might not even like. I’ve purchased several bridesmaid dresses that weren’t terribly flattering, and expensive to boot, but I did it because I was happy to be part of my friends’ big days. But even if I hadn’t been involved in the bridal party, I still would’ve attended and been involved. Just minus the larger expense. So if you’re trying to cut costs, this is a great way to do it.

Drama, drama, drama

Picking a bridal party can be fraught with tension and drama, and believe me, I’ve seen it come to a head one too many times. Maybe two of your closest friends don’t get along with each other, but they’re going to be forced to participate in a lot of activities together for a while. Or friends could drop out of the party in the months leading up to the big day, leaving you holding the bag for their expenses. Or that one bridesmaid just can’t seem to agree on anything from dress colors to bachelorette party plans. And god forbid you exclude friends and hurt feelings by accident. I’ve seen fights, crying, and loads of stress for many brides who picked the wrong bunch for their bridal party, so be prepared for at least a little drama if you opt for a large group.

You Can Still Celebrate With Them

There’s a common misconception that a bridal party is the only way to truly honor your friends on your wedding day and celebrate with them. But guess what: you can still celebrate with them! They’ll still be at your wedding, and they can still come to bachelor and bachelorette parties. You can still invite them to join you while dress shopping, and they can still give a speech at your reception. None of these things require a bridal party commitment from anyone, and your rehearsal dinner will be a lot less complicated (if you even need one).

There Might Be A Falling Out

Ok, I know some might get offended at the mere thought of this, but you have to consider that your core group of closest girl friends MIGHT not always be your friends. Ask your friends that have been married how many of them have had a falling out or “drifted apart” friendship from someone in their bridal party. I would be willing to bet a lot of money that most of them experienced this. And most of them say they regretted included the former friends because they’re forever a part of the photographic memories. Your wedding photos are supposed to be about you and your new spouse, along with your families.

Everyone Can Just Enjoy Themselves

Being part of a bridal party usually means there’s some element of responsibility, and it might take away from them fully enjoying the day. And while you’re getting your photos taken, your friends can relax and enjoy the cocktail hour instead of participating in formal photos. They can get ready at their own pace, wear whatever they like, and you can spend the whole day focusing on what’s most important: your fiancé.